Alf #1

May 1988. Cover price 35p.
28 pages. Full color.
Marvel Comics, Ltd.

Cover by Barrie Appleby & John M. Burns.

Free stickers.

Contents:

 2 Ahem... Friends, Your Majesty, lend me your ears. text introduction; illustrated by UNKNOWN.

 3 Alf "At Your Disposal" w: Michael Gallagher; p: Dave Manak, i: Marie Severin, lettering by Grace Kremer, colouring by Marie Severin.

r: Alf (Marvel Comics) #01 (Mar 1988).

12 The Real Ghostbusters in-house advertisement. w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

13 Alf "Snow Skin Off My Nose" w: Michael Gallagher; p: Dave Manak, i: Marie Severin, lettering by Grace Kremer, colouring by Marie Severin.

r: Alf (Marvel Comics) #01 (Mar 1988).

20 Dear Alf... readers' mail; illustrated by UNKNOWN.

21 Alf Play Misty for Me! w: Michael Gallagher; p: Dave Manak, i: Marie Severin, lettering by Grace Kremer, colouring by Marie Severin.

r: Alf (Marvel Comics) #01 (Mar 1988).

27 Oh, Oh, Donna photo; ALF p: Dave Manak, i: Marie Severin.

r: cover from ALF (Marvel Comics) #01 (Mar 1988).

28 You've Read the Comic... Now Watch the Video advertisement for Video Collection International.

Ahem... Friends, Your Majesty, lend me your ears. Welcome to the wonderful world of Alien Life Form, that's Alf to you. Gimme a low-four, jolly good. Ha!

What's shakin'? Let me tell you a little bit about the Ol' Alfer... Born on the planet Melmac, I'm small, furry (I didn't know I was naked until I came to Earth!), 230 years old (on Melmac you spend 122 years in High School), and a Sagittarius. I also like to eat cats, but I've been laying off since I found out you had this weird custom of keeping them as pets. Actually I haven't eaten a single cat since I've been here. They've all been married. Ha!

I live with the Tanners, that's Willie, Kate and the kids. They're not the most exciting family, but it could have been worse. Willie needs to lighten up a little, he's too uptight. Kate likes me. I get along with her but I respect her territory.

I'm currently single but looking for a girlfriend. Difficult one this. Strictly speaking I'm not allowed to date outside of my species. Sometimes I really miss Rhonda, my girl back on Melmac...

The introduction says everything about the level of humour in Alf. Whatever comedy potential remained in an alien discovering Earth's customs and peculiarities, after My Favorite Martian and Mork and Mindy had picked the best gags, Alf squandered much of it. I was never a fan of the series, and so this is painful to read.

Alf admires his spaceship's design as the Tanners prepare to have a garage sale. Willie reminisces about the circumstances leading to Alf living with them, before moving the ship out of sight. Unfortunately it is moved too close to the garbage cans, and the trashmen cart it away. Willie drives Alf to the dump to retrieve it, where they are confronted by a security guard. Alf sneaks in, locating his ship, but the guard is determined to shoot him - believing the alien to be a giant talking rat. Alf get his ship back in the air, and back to the Tanners, managing to recreate his first appearance in the process.

"At Your Disposal" is so bad that it is difficult to see how it passed through editorial hands. Mentioning better shows with the same premise only highlights the inadequacies of the source material, and (most galling) a sly dig at a better strip (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) makes me want to be reading that instead. When the script is actively encouraging readers to pick up a competing title you known there's a problem.

The Tanners take Alf to a ski resort on the condition that he stay inside. Lynn has brought material to make decorations for her school's Snowball Dance, which Alf and Brian take interest in. Their attempts at helping are interrupted when Alf gets pains in his head and stomach - a snowman in his image is being attacked by a bully. Brian tries to stop him, but is beaten up. Running in to the lodge, Brian disappears into his room. That night, when everyone is asleep, Alf covers himself in fake snow and pays the bully a visit.

It is difficult to find anything to smile about in "Snow Skin Off My Nose", but an almost-reference to Mike and Angelo made me grin. Otherwise this is more of the same - it is almost as if the writing is deliberately bad so as to make the series' scripts look better by comparison. Some real fun is had on the letters page, where "Kevin" from Glasgow asks:

How come if this is the first issue of Alf, you've got a letters page? Who's writing? I think you make them up yourself!

Alf is reliving his days as an Orbit Guard on Melmac by bouncing around in a washing basket, and, when admonished by Kate, resorts to telling one of his tales of life on Melmac: El Foggo arrived to claim the planet, threatening to cover everything in fog otherwise. In desperation, loan officers were sent to talk to El Foggo. At the conclusion of Alf's tale, Kate is more annoyed than ever.

So slight is Play Misty for Me! that it barely has a story. A fire almost starts. That's it. Everything Alf says can be disregarded, as he is the definition of an unreliable narrator, meaning that almost everything in the strip is irrelevant. The videocassette ad (of selected episodes) is pimped mercilessly on the reverse of the comic - three cassettes, for only £7.99 each. A bargain, I'm sure.

Maybe this is funny on Melmac?

It's Wicked! #1

20 May 1989; Cover price 30p.
24 pages. Colour & B&W.
Marvel Comics Ltd.

Edited by Helen Stone.

Free Green Fangs.

Contents:

.1 Slimer UNTITLED [Draculala] w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

.2 Chamber of Horrors! editorial by Helen Stone; illustration (uncredited).

.3 Gordon Gremlin UNTITLED [Wig Fishing] w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

.4 Ghostman Bat and his Black and White Rat UNTITLED [Heavy Male Today] w: UNKNOWN; a: John Geering.

.6 Best of Fiends UNTITLED [Shear Excitement] w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

.7 Dunstable D. Dragon UNTITLED [Yoke's on You] w: UNKNOWN; a: Nick Miller.

.8 Winnie the Witch Doctor UNTITLED [No More Spells] w: UNKNOWN; a: Barrie Appleby.

.9 Are you troubled by strange noises in the night? in-house advertisement for The Real Ghostbusters Collected Spring Special #01.

10 Clare Voyant UNTITLED [A Great Burden] w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

11 Mummy's Boy UNTITLED [Coffin Fit] w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

12 It's Slimer UNTITLED [Doc Frankystein] w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

14 Slime Time! readers' jokes.

15 Bat Chat! readers' mail.

16 Ghoul School UNTITLED [First day of a new term] w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

18 Toad in the Hole, part one, In the Beginning... w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

20 The Ghosthunters UNTITLED [Moe & Joe] w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

22 Inspector Spectre, Private Eye UNTITLED [Handbag Snatcher] w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

23 It's Wicked? Sorry, Son We've Sold Out (half page) subscriptions. / In Next Week's Issue... (half page).

24 New from Marvel in-house advertisement for Cartoon Time.

Something of a nightmare to index, as the spartan index above shows.

While a Slimer spin-off had been published in 19##, and the character had made appearances in Marvel Bumper Comic, this marks the first major exploitation of the character in a creative manner. No longer tied to reprints or unconnected anthologies, but as the lead attraction in a horror-comedy anthology, Marvel looked back to IPC's Shiver and Shake and Monster Fun for content inspiration, while appropriating the appearance of D.C. Thomson titles. It isn't an entirely convincing mixture.

Slimer, naturally, takes the cover spot, with a strip tying in to the free gift. There's no attempt at a punchline for the strip, but it doesn't really matter - the image works whether the free fangs are attached or not. Chamber of Horrors!, which is a perfect title for a horror-themed editorial, sets out the mission for the title - horror and comedy, hand in hand, every week. The illustrative border is perfect for the title.

Sticking with tried and tested gags, Gordon Gremlin didn't need a horror character for the story in this issue. It isn't as if the joke is good enough to overcome the disconnect between character and story, and only the artwork redeems the strip.

Ghostman Bat, punning off Postman Pat, is a vampiric postman with a pet rat. This is the closest It's Wicked gets to a high concept idea. Actually, that isn't fair, as the strip has a further twist - the main character delivers ghosts rather than mail. There's a flurry of gags and some great art. There's not, unfortunately, any indication that this is going to be more than a series of two-page jokes.

Best of Fiends are, basically, hairy Madballs. I didn't find the strip amusing, but being outside the target demographic it is impossible to say if this would have had the desired humour quotient for readers of the title. One of the problems is the pay-off relying on a seriously unfunny game - golf is a tedious "game" which has no redeeming elements, and by throwing in an act of violence perpetrated by a golf club seems a concept better served in animation than a comic strip. Also, the fact that the character looks like a testicle doesn't help.

Things don't improve drastically with Dunstable D. Dragon, which has two awful puns in three panels. The "Dragon Facts" section beneath the strip is wasted with a hand-wave for the character knowing his own name, but should have been used to deliver something which might have been of use to readers - the names of dragons from myth and legend, famous dragonslayers, great dragon books... The permutations are endless, and by using it to excuse a plotting defect is really annoying. So much potential here, and to throw it away for that...

There's a strong D.C. Thomson flavour to Winnie the Witch Doctor, which features a witch who is a doctor. Treating witches. Funnier than it deserves to be, the art and script combine to make an amusing strip which introduces the character in a funny sketch. While it is a ways from being considered a classic, it is the first strip in It's Wicked to overcome imposed limitations.

Clare Voyant is about a gypsy fortune-teller, with all of the subtlety that implies. There's a slight improvement with Mummy's Boy.

Have you ever wondered what goes on in a museum after the last visitor has gone... Who knows what could be lurking in these dark corridors..?

It anticipates Night at the Museum with exhibits coming to life at night, and is amusing enough to warrant its place. This is more the type of strip I was expecting. The art is attractive, and the handling of the jokes (as they are) isn't bad, but at a single page there isn't anywhere for the narrative to go.

Despite taking the cover, a further three-page strip is devoted to Slimer, in which he visits Doc Frankystein. The punchline is one which has adorned at least three or four stories over the years, but the crafting of the story and art is competent enough. I'm not convinced that a heavy Ghostbusters influence is really necessary for the title, and you can have too much of a good thing. Slimer reappears as host of a joke page, which is as groan-worthy as you might imagine.

Ghostman Bat takes the readers' mail, in Bat Chat!, and Ghoul School resumes the strips with the least frightening bunch of ghouls to ever appear in comics. The story isn't bad, but this continues a run of strips which don't really deliver of frightening comedy in a manner which Trap Door or even the 1972 animation Mad, Mad, Mad Monsters managed.

Once upon a time, in a castle that could really do with a lick of paint...

There lived an inventor who was a little ... odd.

Toad in the Hole is a tad different in that it intends to be read as an ongoing narrative, though the humour is present here as well. Introducing the (unnamed) inventor, and his errant creation, Toad, who emerges from a rubbish pit fully formed. It has the making of an interesting story when it gets going, but there's not much here to get stuck into.

Ghosthunters is the story of the Mole Brothers, Moe and Joe, hunters of horror, trackers of terror, sleuths of the supernatural. Unfortunately, they're not very good at it. Along the lines of Major Jump, Horror Hunter, the pair of incompetents manage to ignore monsters in plain sight while mistaking ordinary people for vampires and werewolves - it is going to get very tiring if the formula isn't mixed up a little in future installments. This is a strip which has become more pertinent over the years, with the rise of ghosthunting television series, and a comedic take has much opportunity..

Inspector Spectre, Private Eye is ghost PI who, as of the first installment, has a perfect record. While it is not in the same league as other strips of its kind, it isn't a bad start. I'm favourable to the notion of ghostly investigators (a childhood love of Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) goes a long way to explaining that), and there are many things that a ghost can do to solve a crime... While it isn't a strong start, there's enough in the notion for me to forgive the blatantly plotting-by-numbers here.

This is a comic written by people who don't seem to have a love of horror. It isn't necessary to know who directed Antropophagus, or have read the whole of Varney the Vampire, but a little appreciation of the form is essential in conveying a watered down version for the consumption of younger readers.

Instead of foisting this title on a kid, buy them It's Behind You! by Paul Cookson and David Harmer instead. They'll thank you.