Alf #1

May 1988. Cover price 35p.
28 pages. Full color.
Marvel Comics, Ltd.

Cover by Barrie Appleby & John M. Burns.

Free stickers.

Contents:

 2 Ahem... Friends, Your Majesty, lend me your ears. text introduction; illustrated by UNKNOWN.

 3 Alf "At Your Disposal" w: Michael Gallagher; p: Dave Manak, i: Marie Severin, lettering by Grace Kremer, colouring by Marie Severin.

r: Alf (Marvel Comics) #01 (Mar 1988).

12 The Real Ghostbusters in-house advertisement. w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

13 Alf "Snow Skin Off My Nose" w: Michael Gallagher; p: Dave Manak, i: Marie Severin, lettering by Grace Kremer, colouring by Marie Severin.

r: Alf (Marvel Comics) #01 (Mar 1988).

20 Dear Alf... readers' mail; illustrated by UNKNOWN.

21 Alf Play Misty for Me! w: Michael Gallagher; p: Dave Manak, i: Marie Severin, lettering by Grace Kremer, colouring by Marie Severin.

r: Alf (Marvel Comics) #01 (Mar 1988).

27 Oh, Oh, Donna photo; ALF p: Dave Manak, i: Marie Severin.

r: cover from ALF (Marvel Comics) #01 (Mar 1988).

28 You've Read the Comic... Now Watch the Video advertisement for Video Collection International.

Ahem... Friends, Your Majesty, lend me your ears. Welcome to the wonderful world of Alien Life Form, that's Alf to you. Gimme a low-four, jolly good. Ha!

What's shakin'? Let me tell you a little bit about the Ol' Alfer... Born on the planet Melmac, I'm small, furry (I didn't know I was naked until I came to Earth!), 230 years old (on Melmac you spend 122 years in High School), and a Sagittarius. I also like to eat cats, but I've been laying off since I found out you had this weird custom of keeping them as pets. Actually I haven't eaten a single cat since I've been here. They've all been married. Ha!

I live with the Tanners, that's Willie, Kate and the kids. They're not the most exciting family, but it could have been worse. Willie needs to lighten up a little, he's too uptight. Kate likes me. I get along with her but I respect her territory.

I'm currently single but looking for a girlfriend. Difficult one this. Strictly speaking I'm not allowed to date outside of my species. Sometimes I really miss Rhonda, my girl back on Melmac...

The introduction says everything about the level of humour in Alf. Whatever comedy potential remained in an alien discovering Earth's customs and peculiarities, after My Favorite Martian and Mork and Mindy had picked the best gags, Alf squandered much of it. I was never a fan of the series, and so this is painful to read.

Alf admires his spaceship's design as the Tanners prepare to have a garage sale. Willie reminisces about the circumstances leading to Alf living with them, before moving the ship out of sight. Unfortunately it is moved too close to the garbage cans, and the trashmen cart it away. Willie drives Alf to the dump to retrieve it, where they are confronted by a security guard. Alf sneaks in, locating his ship, but the guard is determined to shoot him - believing the alien to be a giant talking rat. Alf get his ship back in the air, and back to the Tanners, managing to recreate his first appearance in the process.

"At Your Disposal" is so bad that it is difficult to see how it passed through editorial hands. Mentioning better shows with the same premise only highlights the inadequacies of the source material, and (most galling) a sly dig at a better strip (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) makes me want to be reading that instead. When the script is actively encouraging readers to pick up a competing title you known there's a problem.

The Tanners take Alf to a ski resort on the condition that he stay inside. Lynn has brought material to make decorations for her school's Snowball Dance, which Alf and Brian take interest in. Their attempts at helping are interrupted when Alf gets pains in his head and stomach - a snowman in his image is being attacked by a bully. Brian tries to stop him, but is beaten up. Running in to the lodge, Brian disappears into his room. That night, when everyone is asleep, Alf covers himself in fake snow and pays the bully a visit.

It is difficult to find anything to smile about in "Snow Skin Off My Nose", but an almost-reference to Mike and Angelo made me grin. Otherwise this is more of the same - it is almost as if the writing is deliberately bad so as to make the series' scripts look better by comparison. Some real fun is had on the letters page, where "Kevin" from Glasgow asks:

How come if this is the first issue of Alf, you've got a letters page? Who's writing? I think you make them up yourself!

Alf is reliving his days as an Orbit Guard on Melmac by bouncing around in a washing basket, and, when admonished by Kate, resorts to telling one of his tales of life on Melmac: El Foggo arrived to claim the planet, threatening to cover everything in fog otherwise. In desperation, loan officers were sent to talk to El Foggo. At the conclusion of Alf's tale, Kate is more annoyed than ever.

So slight is Play Misty for Me! that it barely has a story. A fire almost starts. That's it. Everything Alf says can be disregarded, as he is the definition of an unreliable narrator, meaning that almost everything in the strip is irrelevant. The videocassette ad (of selected episodes) is pimped mercilessly on the reverse of the comic - three cassettes, for only £7.99 each. A bargain, I'm sure.

Maybe this is funny on Melmac?

Lady Penelope #1

22 Jan 1966; Cover price 7d.
20 pages. Colour & B&W.
City Magazines Ltd.

Photo montage cover.

Free Lady Penelope signet ring.

Contents:

.2 Your Post, M'Lady / Contents

.3 Perils of Parker UNTITLED w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

.4 The Man from U.N.C.L.E. UNTITLED w: UNKNOWN; a: Juan González Alacreu (uncredited).

.6 Sandy Barton Flinch from Every Shadow text story (uncredited); illustrated by John Canning.

.8 Schooldays - Italian Style text feature (uncredited).

.9 The Beverly Hillbillies UNTITLED w: UNKNOWN; a: Paul Trevillion (uncredited).

10 Lady Penelope UNTITLED w: Alan Fennell (uncredited); a: Frank Langford (uncredited).

12 Lady Penelope Investigates Jimmy Tarbuck text feature (uncredited).

13 "FABulous" - says Lady Penelope J. Rosenthal (Toys) Ltd. advertisement.

14 Space Family Robinson UNTITLED w: Brian Woodford (uncredited); a: John M. Burns (uncredited).

15 It's FAB Calling text feature (uncredited).

16 FAB Club Fashions are FAB Club Prizes! competition (uncredited).

18 Bewitched UNTITLED w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

20 Marina, Girl of the Sea UNTITLED w: Alan Fennell (uncredited); a: Rab Hamilton (uncredited).

Having first appeared in comics it is appropriate that Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward receive her own title. Unfortunately, the cover doesn't play up the quality of illustrations within, and to a casual reader may appear to have more in common with a tie-in magazine than a comic, and the tacky ring doesn't help the title overcome initial impressions. Comics can launch with poor covers and recover in due course, but it is unusual to hew so closely to recognisable elements and still feel like a cheap imitation.

Matters improve with Perils of Parker, presumably a twist on the title of the third episode ("The Perils of Penelope"), which follows Parker's attempts to avoid being given a new image. It is a throwaway script, with barely a hint of plot, but the dialogue accurately captures the characters' dialogue from the series. Despite closely resembling prior depictions, there's something about the strips use of large heads which is unappealing.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E. is remarkable for the quality of the art, and how close the likenesses to the main cast are. Being the first part of a continuing story, there isn't a great deal of action, but as a taster of the adventures to come there is much to enjoy. Pedro Vincenti, a Spanish agent staggers across a Majorcan beach and dies, clutching a dead mouse, which requires Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin's involvement. It hints at the usual Spy-Fi elements, though the most overt nod to the genre is a pet lion.

No comic featuring a beautiful woman, reclining on a bed alongside her pet lion, can be all bad.

The idea behind Schooldays - Italian Style is a great one: look at the lives of children around the world, in order so British children can contrast and compare details. Unfortunately the cramped space into which the feature is pushed (leaving a quarter page of text) means that any insight into the life of Teresina Vincetti, the subject of the inaugural piece, is limited. There is no indication what lessons are on offer, so how closely to (or far from) the readers experiences of school must be inferred.

I want to know more about the school itself, and the curriculum, which is frustrating. City Magazines had some wonderful text features in their titles, but this is one instance of brevity harming the intent of the piece.

A trip to the funfair for Elly May and Granny in The Beverly Hillbillies strip leads (through a series of amusing incidents) to Elly Mae taking possession of a tiger. The script sticks to the familiar elements of the series, and Trevillion's art (helpfully signed) is light and attractive, while capturing the cast in slight caricature. It is better than the US strips, but feels slightly rushed by only being given a single page to play with.

The star of the comic, Lady Penelope herself, takes the two-page colour spread. There isn't much action, though it seems that young Penelope has gotten in over her head with the discovery of a piece of microfilm. The leisurely pacing would have been a problem if it were not for Frank Langford's art, which - although a little plastic in places - has the effect of tying the story to the Thunderbirds series with clever use of camera angles and layout.

Recaps and retellings of prior stories in media tie-ins are, generally, lacking in substance. When your chosen story is as thin as Space Family Robinson, the problems are multiplied, and it is only John M. Burns' attention to detail in the art duties which makes the strip stand out.

Dog-sitting for a neighbour is a longstanding comedy staple, and Bewitched runs with the jokes for all they are worth. There are some clever tweaks to the usual fare (Endora using her powers to increase the dog's size, prefiguring Digby several years later), before everything is wrapped up happily in a rather rushed conclusion. The languid, an incident-packed, storytelling from the parent series seems relatively glacial in comparison, and it would have benefited from more room to breathe.

There's relatively little to recommend Marina, which is set before events seen in Stingray, save for the art. Treaty signings aren't the most exciting or dramatic events for stories to concentrate upon, and the outcome of the proposed treaty seen in the opening installment of Marina has a predictable outcome, though the narrative concludes before the story reaches a point where the betrayal is uncovered.

The good largely outweighs the bad in this issue, with some gorgeous artwork making up for any deficiencies in the narratives. A surfeit of photographic elements takes away from some of the gloss, and the text features could have been expanded without sacrificing any of the stories - the competition spread over two pages could easily have been done on one page without any loss of impact, and the introductory text wastes a lot of space.