Alf #1

May 1988. Cover price 35p.
28 pages. Full color.
Marvel Comics, Ltd.

Cover by Barrie Appleby & John M. Burns.

Free stickers.

Contents:

 2 Ahem... Friends, Your Majesty, lend me your ears. text introduction; illustrated by UNKNOWN.

 3 Alf "At Your Disposal" w: Michael Gallagher; p: Dave Manak, i: Marie Severin, lettering by Grace Kremer, colouring by Marie Severin.

r: Alf (Marvel Comics) #01 (Mar 1988).

12 The Real Ghostbusters in-house advertisement. w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

13 Alf "Snow Skin Off My Nose" w: Michael Gallagher; p: Dave Manak, i: Marie Severin, lettering by Grace Kremer, colouring by Marie Severin.

r: Alf (Marvel Comics) #01 (Mar 1988).

20 Dear Alf... readers' mail; illustrated by UNKNOWN.

21 Alf Play Misty for Me! w: Michael Gallagher; p: Dave Manak, i: Marie Severin, lettering by Grace Kremer, colouring by Marie Severin.

r: Alf (Marvel Comics) #01 (Mar 1988).

27 Oh, Oh, Donna photo; ALF p: Dave Manak, i: Marie Severin.

r: cover from ALF (Marvel Comics) #01 (Mar 1988).

28 You've Read the Comic... Now Watch the Video advertisement for Video Collection International.

Ahem... Friends, Your Majesty, lend me your ears. Welcome to the wonderful world of Alien Life Form, that's Alf to you. Gimme a low-four, jolly good. Ha!

What's shakin'? Let me tell you a little bit about the Ol' Alfer... Born on the planet Melmac, I'm small, furry (I didn't know I was naked until I came to Earth!), 230 years old (on Melmac you spend 122 years in High School), and a Sagittarius. I also like to eat cats, but I've been laying off since I found out you had this weird custom of keeping them as pets. Actually I haven't eaten a single cat since I've been here. They've all been married. Ha!

I live with the Tanners, that's Willie, Kate and the kids. They're not the most exciting family, but it could have been worse. Willie needs to lighten up a little, he's too uptight. Kate likes me. I get along with her but I respect her territory.

I'm currently single but looking for a girlfriend. Difficult one this. Strictly speaking I'm not allowed to date outside of my species. Sometimes I really miss Rhonda, my girl back on Melmac...

The introduction says everything about the level of humour in Alf. Whatever comedy potential remained in an alien discovering Earth's customs and peculiarities, after My Favorite Martian and Mork and Mindy had picked the best gags, Alf squandered much of it. I was never a fan of the series, and so this is painful to read.

Alf admires his spaceship's design as the Tanners prepare to have a garage sale. Willie reminisces about the circumstances leading to Alf living with them, before moving the ship out of sight. Unfortunately it is moved too close to the garbage cans, and the trashmen cart it away. Willie drives Alf to the dump to retrieve it, where they are confronted by a security guard. Alf sneaks in, locating his ship, but the guard is determined to shoot him - believing the alien to be a giant talking rat. Alf get his ship back in the air, and back to the Tanners, managing to recreate his first appearance in the process.

"At Your Disposal" is so bad that it is difficult to see how it passed through editorial hands. Mentioning better shows with the same premise only highlights the inadequacies of the source material, and (most galling) a sly dig at a better strip (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) makes me want to be reading that instead. When the script is actively encouraging readers to pick up a competing title you known there's a problem.

The Tanners take Alf to a ski resort on the condition that he stay inside. Lynn has brought material to make decorations for her school's Snowball Dance, which Alf and Brian take interest in. Their attempts at helping are interrupted when Alf gets pains in his head and stomach - a snowman in his image is being attacked by a bully. Brian tries to stop him, but is beaten up. Running in to the lodge, Brian disappears into his room. That night, when everyone is asleep, Alf covers himself in fake snow and pays the bully a visit.

It is difficult to find anything to smile about in "Snow Skin Off My Nose", but an almost-reference to Mike and Angelo made me grin. Otherwise this is more of the same - it is almost as if the writing is deliberately bad so as to make the series' scripts look better by comparison. Some real fun is had on the letters page, where "Kevin" from Glasgow asks:

How come if this is the first issue of Alf, you've got a letters page? Who's writing? I think you make them up yourself!

Alf is reliving his days as an Orbit Guard on Melmac by bouncing around in a washing basket, and, when admonished by Kate, resorts to telling one of his tales of life on Melmac: El Foggo arrived to claim the planet, threatening to cover everything in fog otherwise. In desperation, loan officers were sent to talk to El Foggo. At the conclusion of Alf's tale, Kate is more annoyed than ever.

So slight is Play Misty for Me! that it barely has a story. A fire almost starts. That's it. Everything Alf says can be disregarded, as he is the definition of an unreliable narrator, meaning that almost everything in the strip is irrelevant. The videocassette ad (of selected episodes) is pimped mercilessly on the reverse of the comic - three cassettes, for only £7.99 each. A bargain, I'm sure.

Maybe this is funny on Melmac?