Batman Monthly Vol.1 #1

[Jun 1988]. Cover price 75p.
48 pages. Full colour.
London Editions Magazines

Cover by José Luis García-López.

Free cover-mounted badge.

Contents:

.2 The Untold Legend of the Batman, part one, In the Beginning w: Len Wein; p: John Byrne, i: Jim Aparo, lettering by John Costanza, colouring by Glynis Wein.

r: The Untold Legend of the Batman (DC Comics) #01 (Jul 1980).

11 Peter Pez Battles With the Photons advertisement for Pez; a: UNKNOWN.

24 Bat Talk Adam West interview by Brian Clarke.

26 The Untold Legend of the Batman, part two, "With Friends Like These..." w: Len Wein; a: Jim Aparo, lettering by Jim Aparo, colouring by Glynis Wein.

r: The Untold Legend of the Batman (DC Comics) #02 (Aug 1980).

36 Invade Forbidden Planet advertisement.

48 Transformers Pretenders advertisement.

There's an appropriately nostalgic feeling to the first issue - the cover utilizes the image of Batman and Robin often seen on T-shirts, the free badge is bright and cheerful, and Adam West is interviewed about his time in the role. Even the selection of strips, reprinting the first two issues of The Untold Legend of the Batman, harkens back to a time when Bat-prefixes abounded.

Deep within the bowels of the city, a solitary dark-clad figure sits nestled in the shadows of a vast sprawling cavern...

Here, the most modern scientific equipment looms beside the most ancient tools of the murderer's art, and countless unique trophies stand in mute testimony to the ability of one man...

It is a cavern filled to bursting with the stuff of legend...

Straight from the start, Len Wein makes sure that we are in familiar territory: the giant playing card, the dinosaur, the penny... and, for reasons not explained, the grandfather clock. Alfred arrives with a sandwich for Bruce, who is sitting the Batcave wearing his costume and reading his fan-mail. Some might call this weird, but its really Batman being prepared for anything. You never know when a scurrilous villain will post himself to the Batcave.

A package is the last item to be opened, and Bruce discovers a shredded Bat-costume within - one which his father wore. Someone broke into the Batcave and stole it from under Batman's nose, leaving a note taped to the display case from the inside: "This is only the beginning, Batman! Before I'm done, I will destroy you!" The testicular fortitude of the man who did that is immense.

Bruce starts reminiscing about watching Bat-Daddy as a boy. Apparently, Thomas Wayne was kidnapped from a charity ball to tend to the gunshot wound of a bank robber, but managed to escape and fetch police to arrest them. It is implied that Lew Moxon arranged for Joe Chill to shoot Bruce's parents, setting him on the path to Bat-Diary filled days of socking villains on the jaw and climbing up walls with Robin.

Bruce's Uncle Philip was then appointed his guardian, and introduced him to Mrs. Chilton, his housekeeper. Alfred (in thought bubbles) notes that Mrs. Chilton was also mother to Joe Chill, a secret he has been keeping from Bruce. Master detective that Batman is, the family photos never clued him in on the connection. A year after the murder of his parents, Bruce read a newspaper about Harvey Harris, a detective who caught a criminal dubbed the Skyway Robber. That night, Bruce dressed up in disguise (a proto-Robin outfit) to talk to Harris, and ends up saving the policeman's life. As thanks, Harris agrees to teach Bruce.

Bruce continues, telling Alfred about how he taught himself all he could in order to fight crime. Alfred, having heard this all before simply goes along with the rambling history lesson. It is likely all those bangs on the head - Bruce's skull must look like a jigsaw puzzle after all those years of fighting. He goes on (and on) about how he tracked down Joe Chill, and was there when the man died.

Figuring out that Moxon was behind Chill shooting his parents, he tells Alfred how he went after Moxon, with Robin alongside for the adventure. Putting on the Bat-Daddy costume, Bruce confronts an amnesiac Moxon, who promptly freaks out and runs in front of the nearest car. Having done boring Alfred senseless, Bruce rushes to the Batmobile, leaving his sandwiches behind.

A thrilling tale with which to begin the title, with Bruce reminiscing with Alfred, then driving off like a madman. I'm not sure if this is meant to be the begin of Bruce's slide into Alzheimer's, or a subtle hint that Alfred has been dosing Bruce's cocoa and gaslighting him. It is a very strange story, with no discernible point to make about the characters.

The Adam West interview isn't an in-depth analysis, but it has a few great insights into the Tim Burton remake, as well as his life after the series ended. It would have been nice to get a three or four-page interview (interspersed with images, there's barely enough text to fill a page), but - even as fragmented as the feature is - it is still far better than the strips.

Speaking of which...

For years, it has been whispered - in the dark dens of the wicked - in the bright halls of the just! Now, at last, it can be told...

The Untold Legend of the Batman

Batman marches into a bar filled with criminals, and talks to a guy he calls snitch. It's Bruce's memory - really not what it used to be. Someone starts trouble, and Bruce is ready to beat everyone within striking distance into comas before Robin steps in and gently scolds him for his behaviour. As Bruce drives Robin away from the bar, the Kid Wonder starts to think about his history. Arriving back at the Batcave, Alfred offers them something to drink in a completely non-suspicious manner.

I wonder if either Batman or Robin ever climb up the dinosaur, sit on it and say "Go horsey, go!"

Alfred succumbs to the trend for pointless, endless dreams of the past, remembering WWII, his time as a raging thespian, and his father's death. Probably from the discovery his son had taken to the stage. Scratch Batman's Alzheimer's diagnosis - now that Alfred has begun day-dreaming about the good old days, the problem must be more serious. Possibly a brain-eating fungus, or Batmite screwing with their perception of reality, or the result of a half-baked script.

Batman finally points out his suspects - including The Black Spider, Mr. Freeze, Catwoman, Tweedledee & Tweedledum, Penguin, Prof. Milo, Killer Moth, Poison Ivy, The Joker, Gentleman Ghost, Scarecrow, The Riddler, Two-Face, and Ra's al Ghul. Creepily, he has Polaroids of his enemies (some obviously posed), which raises far too many questions about Bruce. Instead of attempting to solve the theft and destruction of Bat-Daddy's costume, the trio then stand around chatting.

Robin, fed up of the constant inaction in the script, jumps into the Batmobile, which promptly explodes. Another message is discovered in the wreckage: "One by one, I will destroy the things that make you what you are - and then I will destroy you!"

There must be a dozen or so solid, tight, suspenseful little tales that would have better suited the first issue requirements. The main problem with the story is the complete lack of tension in dealing with the theft and destruction of a prized item. Bruce doesn't dust for prints, check security camera footage, or even ask his supercomputer for answers - he rushes out to beat up a guy whose name he can't remember, then pulls out his photos. The Untold Legend of the Batman contains so little narrative progression that it may constitute a non-story.

At least the series can't get any worse.

Masters of the Universe #1

[26 Mar 1986]; Cover price 35p.
24 pages. Colour & B&W.
London Editions Magazines.

Cover by UNKNOWN.

Contents:

.2 Welcome, Young Warriors! Introduction. / Strange Universe fact feature. / Orko the Magician w: UNKNOWN; a: UNKNOWN.

.3 Legend of Grayskull w: Brian Clarke (uncredited); a: Selecciones Ilustradas.

.8 Your Chance to Get All This FREE competition.

.9 Skeletor's Surprise w: Brian Clarke (uncredited); a: Selecciones Ilustradas.

15 Now on Tell-a-Tale advertisement.

16 Orko to the Rescue w: Brian Clarke (uncredited); a: Selecciones Ilustradas.

22 Learn All About Stamp Collecting advertisement (half page). / Masters of the Universe Next issue information (half page).

23 Enter the Quest for the Sacred Stone of Mamod competition.

24 Join the Masters of the Universe Club advertisement.

Masters of the Universe is, by any estimation, an incredibly ropey cartoon, with continually reused artwork, tired, circular plots, and some incredibly stupid character designs. When your expectations have been sufficiently lowered by rewatching the series, coming to the spin-off comic might be a masochistic endeavour. Thankfully, this is a slightly above average package, which (when compared to its animated roots) looks fantastic.

Naturally (befitting the parent series) the cover is uninspiring and flat, though being a clear shot of the hero is an acceptable mis-step in kicking off proceedings. Inside is an introduction by Scrollos, a few facts that might blow the minds of younger readers, although might also have contributed to their reduction of salt consumption, and an Orko comic strip. The use of cartoon strips, with a primarily comedic role, has long been an important aspect in these types of comics, and Orko the Magician is typical of the type. It may be an extremely obvious joke, but that's the point.

As a five-page introduction to the world of the characters, rather than a strip in its own right, Legend of Grayskull fulfills the need to bring newcomers up to speed. For those with prior familiarity with Masters of the Universe, which must have been the greater amount, it still contains valuable information in going forward. Five thousand years of history are rushed through in a page and a half, at which point Prince Adam is introduced. The background isn't given too many quirks, and there's ties to She-Ra set in place.

The first proper story, Skeletor's Surprise, begins at Snake Mountain, where Evil-Lyn has a plan to get rid of He-Man. There's a gap in space which will appear the next day near the cave of Karnack, which will allow Skeletor to gain entrance to the heart of the Royal Palace. Warned by the Sorceress, He-Man makes his way to the cave, and there is the expected battle. Which is all fine, given the source material. However, the comic throws a surprise in the mix with the arrival of Hordak, who has found his way to Eternia to take revenge on Skeletor.

For any other title, the reliance on coincidence would be a travesty, but Masters of the Universe is that kind of place. Coincidences are part and parcel of Eternia, and as a means of introducing Hordak it is as good as any.

There's something to be said for shaking up the status quo with the introduction of another villain, as the television series had been running for a while. Or it may just have been an opportune moment to shift some new toys. It really doesn't matter, because any continuity building in a series which had a habit of hitting the reset button at the end of every episode is a good thing.

Orko to the Rescue begins with an aged Captain Caveman cosplayer hammering on the Castle doors demanding Man-at-Arms and He-Man save his village from Skeletor. Despite the late hour (and how bright it seems to be outside), they proceed to the village - while Skeletor and his cronies look on, mocking the hero for falling for the ruse. Man, you really can't trust Captain Caveman cosplayers. Orko realises what's going on, and frets that he is in the castle by himself.

This is important. A huge castle to run, and there aren't any servants around? The Great Eternian Credit Crunch must be bad if it is being felt by the nobility. You would expect there would at least be a chef on hand to whip up a sandwich for the Prince Adam after a hard day beating seven shades out of malformed villains. Or cleaning staff - the man does have a tiger for a pet, after all.

Skeletor sends the first batch of troops to take the castle, and Orko defeats them with... snakes? Sure, why not. The second wave take to the skies, and once again Orko uses magic - this time to mess with their transport. Trap-Jaw is called on to kick the door in, because if it worked on The Sweeney... This time Orko's attempts at using magic to make up for physical limitations isn't so successful, and he blows up the gates.

And throughout all of this, no-one has said: "I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll knock the gate down." Words cannot express my disappointment.

In due course He-Man turns up and does what he does best. The minor annoyance with the final panel is that it falls into the "everyone laughs, cut to the credits" type of ending. Yes, Orko is a joke character, but to have everyone in-universe acknowledge that fact seems a touch cruel somehow. It isn't as if everyone in The Real Ghostbusters treats Slimer like a source of endless amusement: "Oh, look, he's eating again. Lets all point and laugh."

One of the things superhero titles do well is tagging characters with their name, and that's the main thing missing here. A small head-shot with the name of each of the main players would have helped dealing with such a large cast. I suppose that coming to the title fresh from the endless appearances in other media might have helped in that regard, yet watching the series again (to tell characters outside the main cast apart) seems like cruel and unusual punishment, so that isn't going to happen.

Amusing, smarter than expected, and with some rather attractive art. Much better than the title's initial appearances suggests.